Paint

I am going to pretend it was a good day, even if it wasn't, but it was at some extend. I woke up in a really good mood. School was great; I had sociology class, which I thought to be boring at the beginning ( I had a test the first class) but now I seem to love it and understand it. I expressed myself to the teacher on my opinion in giving heroin addicts clean needles to keep a clean drug use, which its a big issue, because when giving it, you are pretty much telling them to keep doing it, but then if you don't they will still use it, and share needles which will spread HIV etc etc... well I had an awesome time in class, also in my journalism class Laura Morel came to talk about her career as a journalist, and student in Emerson University. On the way home, I felt like eating KFC which I haven't in the longest, and which tasted horrible, and that is when I suddenly realized it wasn't that much of a good day, don't get me wrong, the KFC doesnt have anything to do with it.  But... it was last night, when we got into an argument, and we ended it. You see..... sometimes I try not to think about this things, I try not to feel bad. Its impossible, the more you tell your mind to stop thinking about it the more you think about it. I try to be blank. "what are you thinking??"..." nothing, I am blank"...        " that's impossible, you can't be blank"...... you told me this once. Sometimes there is no point in talking to you, all you do is get mad, and leave.  I wish you could hear me once instead of just being mad.


It is terrible to have to ask for anything ever. We wish we were something that needed nothing, like paint. But even paint needs repainting.

Sometimes I rather be alone.

I wonder why we need people to be around us, when most of the time they hurt us. I am mistaken, I hurt myself.
We do things because people we love or we don't. Its so pathetic when you are nice to someone and they treat you bad, or when you try to help and they just don't appreciate it. Sometimes I rather be alone. I hate how with an "I love you" they think everything is fine,and is not. There is so much more than words. I am even tired of saying I love you, because even sometimes I dont mean it, I just say it because maybe at the time is right to say it.. but... I am wrong is not right to say things that you don't mean. Really, I won't say I love you anymore, at least when I don't mean it.   

Miranda July

I love her writing. I think I love her.
"We don't have intercourse anymore. I'm not complaining, it's my own fault. I lie there beside him and try to send signals to my vagina, but it's like trying to get cable channels on a Tv that doesn't have cable. My mind requests sex, but my vagina is just waiting for the next time it has to pee. It thinks its whole job in life is to pee."


 No one belongs here more than you.





  

Second star to the right and straight on till morning.

PETER PAN

Wendy: Peter, what are your real feelings?

Peter: Feelings? 

Wendy: What do you feel? 

Wendy: Happiness? Sadness? Jealousy?  

Peter: Jealousy? Tink!

Wendy: Anger?

Peter: Anger. Hook.

Wendy: Love?

Peter: Love?

Wendy: Love.

Peter: I have never heard of it.

Wendy: I think you have, Peter. And I daresay you’ve felt it yourself. For something… or… someone?

Peter: Never. Even the sound of it offends me.
[Wendy tries to touch his face, and he jumps away]

Peter: Why do you have to spoil everything? We have fun, don’t we? I taught you to fly and to fight. What more could there be?

Wendy: There is so much more. 

Peter: What? What else is there? 

Wendy: I don't know. I guess it becomes clearer when you grow up.

Peter: Well, I will not grow up. You cannot make me!

I feel this way sometimes.

changing your mind.

I change my mind quite often. Today I changed my mind about twice. I guess I am insecure about how I feel, and on the search for a better option I just confused myself with all these thoughts. Well I am going to be positive about tomorrow, first day of fall semester.

Saturday of love

I love the memory of Saturday, and I hope it stays with me forever. As to feel skin with skin, never thought showers could be so fun.

A friend showed me this song today, and I liked it                                                       http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zw5hkqTiAPI

Its sunday and I have a sunday feeling, but nothing could feel as infinite.

como la mariposa...

Don't you hate when everything is going perfect, and all of a sudden something brings you down? this is the kind of day when you decide, "I don't want to live anymore". I had so many days like this, where I can't say no more, because the pain is so intense that all I am thinking is, " I live on a shit hole, and I can't get out". But then there is something that tells you, "Stop, your problem won't be solve if you kill yourself", and that's when you dont give a fuck, and say " fuck you, I don't deserve to live, I can't take it no more." Then while you are about to take some pills, or cut your wrists, you noticed how stupid and childish you are acting for a simple problem you have."Great, I just made a complete fool of myself!"  then the person you love the most tells you to stop being depressed, and screams at you, when you keep saying "you dont get it", and well obviously you don't get it because you've never been there! but you remember about "la mariposa" as to say happiness. Happiness comes in moments, is something temporary and something you can't hold on to, just like a butterfly, you can't keep her for too long because she will die. Butterflies can live from a week to a year long. They go to stages such as egg, larva, and adult. When they reach the adult stage, I see it as a way of nirvana, when you are in total peace. My point is, I believe they are meant to live for a short period of time because they mean happiness,they got to their stage of total peace. You can't keep them, otherwise they will die sooner than expected. Its a matter of keep her and she will die soon, or let her go and will live for another week. The solution is to only live the moment, because nothing is forever, and when I mean nothing I mean something.

PS: maybe I am talking shit but this just made me smile and feel better about myself.