for now

I haven't felt this feeling in so long. I don't even know what this is exactly. Maybe I just feel alone. Since I broke up with emma everything is been hurting me, but then again I was alone with or without him. I know that this will eventually go away, but for now is just the sudden feeling of freedom that I have, and I sort of don't need. I can't deny that I miss him, I miss everything, even our fights. I still have some of his stuff that I wish I could give him back, but seeing him or even talk to him won't do me good. I am taking this the best way I can take things. I've grown in the relationship this past couple of years, and all I have to say is that I know what a relationship really is, and that if you are not commited to the person then you are absolutely not ready for a relationship. its very simple, either you are or you are not. and maybe I wasn't ready for commitment, not this kind. I just started to discover myself, I feel like a child at times. I try not to feel alone by the company of others but in real life I am just using people that I absolutely don't care about, if I ever loved one it was emma, if I ever hurt it was emma, if I was ever happy and unhappy was with him. its beautiful to think that I had every type of emotion that u can ever think of with him, that is why I respect this and what we had. I haven't cry, not even teared. but I still feel empty. I am broken. I don't regret anything that I've done because sometime very soon I will find my happyness again. I am jaded at times, but it will be ok.